What To Put In A First Letter To A Prison Pen Pal
80As Well As What NOT To Put In
The need for a letter writing guide for communicating with prison pen pals became clear to me in 2004. At that time, my wife and I lived in Anaconda, Montana. More days than not, my "me time" was spent having lunch with a close friend at MacDonald's. Let's call him "Jack" (not his real name).
Jack was in his early fifties, a truly good man, but had never been married. He had been engaged once. As we visited regularly over double cheeseburgers and dollar fries, the conversation sometimes touched on my ongoing practice of writing women in prison. Then, natually, came the question:
Could I share a few?
What I did was to pick out a few ladies I thought MIGHT be compatible with him, and encouraged HIM to write them. (He does not have a computer.) The results were disastrous, and I suddenly realized that not all people knew how to do this. So let's get started.
Thankfully We Have Word Processors These Days
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Things To Include
Prisons have strict rules about permitted correspondence. Each state is different, but a few things tend to be pretty universal:
1. Place your full name and address at the top of the letter every time you write (not just the first time). The mail room usually opens the mail, trashes the envelope, and gives the inmate ONLY the contents. Without that full address, the institution will not trust you and your friend won't know where to write.
2. As your opening statement, BRIDGE. That is, give your new friend (male or female doesn't matter) a reason to see common ground between you. It could be something as complicated as a taste in poetry or as simple as the fact that you hail from the same state. Remember, you are a stranger, and the recipient's life has not likely given him or her reason to trust people at first contact.
3. Tell a few things about yourself, honestly and openly. Age, background, physical description, interests, education, whatever. Not ten pages of biography; there will be time enough for that. But a page or so to provide the beginnings of an accurate picture of you as a person, yes. Something funny is okay (within reason), and if you have trouble writing humor, I'll even help (if you want) for free.
4. Without being pushy, say something about what you are looking for. Just a platonic friend, or getting to know each other, or (as we have done for specific situations) a frank statement. (Such as our advising our goal to eventually have additional staff to care for my disabled wife in return for room and board.)
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Things That Should NOT Be Included
1. Any specific mention of a prisoner pen pal ad. In most states, that does not matter, but some officially hate pen pal ads and will confiscate any letter they know came from one. Contraband, they say. Which is ridiculous, but there it is, with Florida being the absolute worst. Most importantly, such a mention can actually get the inmate in trouble for daring to place the ad in the first place!
2. Do not make mention of his/her crime in your first letter. If you get a return letter, there will be plenty of time to discuss that later.
3. Do not include anything OTHER than the letter itself. Every state has a website where we can THEORETICALLY check out the rules for corresponding with inmates, but not every site is easy to access or navigate. Simplest is to wait, even on photos or stamps, until your correspondent can advise you regarding the rules at that institution.
In closing: Pam and I have been corresponding with incarcerated folks for more than a decade and expect to continue as long as we live. To us, the rewards are more than worth what effort it takes. Hopefully, you will agree.
Thanks for reading,
Ghost32
Slammer! (A New Women-In-Prison Musical)
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To my readers:
I don't even know for sure if the above Comment (seeking a "penpalum") is for real or not, but it has a FEEL of being the real thing. So, although (a) this Hub is focused on people in prison rather than in Korea and (b) I don't personally penpal with minors as a matter of policy...I'm going to leave his message in play for a while at least. Perhaps someone will choose to pen-friend this young gentleman, or at least perhaps someone will know enough to tell me whether or not "sejinbut" is a common name in Korea....
Ah! My wife proofread these Comments and pointed out that the writer's name is actually, "park sejin...BUT..." NOT "park sejinbut"! Oops. My bad.
thanks to reading my comment sirnaturally that isn't joke that i've been looking for the penpal and it is the first time talking with foreign on the internetit is very sad that i can't understand what you said absolutely but i can FEEL that you are so kind that understand me and said me a gentlemani don't mind if you call me "sejinbut"or "park se-jin(my real name)"that is important i having conversation with you (foreign,who instruct the point what i wrote in wrong way)
i can assure that you can understand or satisfied with my comment(this comment)i'm sorry but this is the essental of my english leveland i know that it is impossible to penpal with this english level i know but this is the only way to study english without lots of money (and the right choice in my poor house situation )
sorry to say that and make you hear my complain sorry
White jini, I am not a good penpal for you. Please try visiting http://www.youthonline.ca/penpals/ or doing a Yahoo search or a Google search for "penpals youth". If you do that, you could find a penpal your own age from around the world.
I always wondered about answering those things as I sometimes get ads for prison penpals in my junk mail and have surfed through a few of the related sites. Thanks for sharing your experience. Interesting, indeed.
Frank, I deleted your comment as it was a clear effort to promote another site. Please note the instructions below which state, "Comments are not for promoting your hubs or other sites."
Ghost32
I wish I had happened along your site a couple of days ago. I didn't put my name and address in the actual letter, only on the envelope. I also made the mistake of mentioning the add/profile (what I actually put) in the beginning of the letter. Should I re-write the letters? Thx.
Schnitt, mentioning the ad/profile may or may not have been disastrous. It depends on the state; some frown on pen pals via the Internet, but some are quite encouraging in that regard.
However, your idea of rewriting the letters "just in case" is probably a good one. So yes, I'd do that, simply mention at the outset that you neglected to include the address in the first letter...and go from there.
hi there!
im 17 and wanting to write to a penpal, i know i am to young but im 18 soon and i know you shouldn't lie but they carn't find out can they?
I'm looking at writing to someone in the USA and im really excited as it sounds silly but i just want to make them happier by having someone to write to (if that makes sense) i know im only 17 and it could get me in trouble but will and can they possibly find out?
thankyou!x
Aimee, I applaud your interest in writing...but I really do hope you wait until you turn 18. Will or can they possibly find out? PROBABLY not, but POSSIBLY yes. I know what it feels like to have to wait at your age--I almost left home on the run at age 16, forced myself to wait until I turned 18, and can remember every second of that waiting.
But bear with me here: Your desire is to help someone, and that's wonderful. But by writing when you're still technically a minor, you could actually hurt them. Let's say the person you choose to write turns out to be someone considered a child molester by the authorities. I'm not saying this theoritcal man IS one--he could even have been someone convicted unjustly, and yes, that does happen. But what if they were closely watching HIM, and believe me, there are some inmates they do watch closely.
Let's say he (innocently) struck up a correspondence with you, all excited and not even knowing you were 17 (and you couldn't tell him up front, because prison authorities may very well read your letters before they give them to him). They could cause HIM trouble...and believe me, yes, the prison staff CAN be this petty and vindictive at times.
So it's best to be squeaky clean, play it by the rules, take no chances.
That doesn't mean you have to hold off completely in the meantime...except that you have to lie to enter the pen pal websites, all of which (to protect themselves) want you to first be 18. And again, it's not likely to get you into trouble...but it could get the website into trouble. If, for example, the enemies of such sites (and there are more such than you might imagine) are able to subpoena the site's records and discover that a LOT of underage users are cruising a given site, they might well be able to force that site to shut down. Which of course shuts down an outlet for the inmates to advertise for goodhearted correspondents such as yourself.
Now: Aimee, I'm going to go on the belief that even if it is hard to wait, that you'll one day go ahead and follow through--which I very much hope you do. With that in mind, I make just one request: Please use a post office box and do not give your correspondent your home address. As an older couple (Pam and myself) writing female inmates, and having many years of experience with literally hundreds of correspondents, we don't have to follow that rule.
But we do. We have pen pals who know exactly where we live, but we've known them for some time. In the beginning, and especially as a female contacting a male, you need to protect yourself "just in case".
Thank you for your advice, i have researched about a PO box a while back and would definatly not give them my home address. I have been thinking about it and i am going to wait till i'm 18, its not that far away (January) so hopefully time will fly!
I have been looking on the website - wwww.writeaprisoner.com
on this website you can look to see what they are in prison ffor, most of them are Robbery and nothing too serious, could it possibly be a lie because i really do not want to write to a child molester etc.
I really apreciate your advice :)
thankyou!
You've definitely got your head on straight, Aimee. And I really applaud your decision to wait until January. (I like that month anyway--my Mom and two of my numerous exes were/are January ladies.)
Writeaprisoner is a good, solid site. You'll note (probably already have noted) that if you click on "see crime", it sends you to the appropriate state DOC (Department of Corrections) website--some of which are easy to navigate, some impossible. Not all states will give you the person's record, but the ones that do are very helpful. Yes, the inmate may lie, but: (1) We've yet to see one fib about that--usually it's more things like using someone else's photo--but a child molester certainly might try. (2) If you dig until you find a State website record, it will be correct, and you can rest easy.
As to the child molester specifically, that sort of person might not be all that interested in you, anyway. The true pedophile usually goes for a much younger person. It just never hurts to keep yourself covered. If you choose a person who is in for Robbery (which we have done), it's good to remember that the odds are pretty good the deed might have been done to obtain drug money...and you need to consider the possibility of your correspondent being addicted. Way more than half of the people inside are there for an act that was in some way related to drugs either directly or indirectly.
A note specifically about Florida: That state hates their inmates getting mail from pen pals found via the Internet. So if you pick a person incarcerated in Florida, DO NOT say anything in your letter about finding them through an ad. It's a ridiculous and oppressive rule (by Florida) and one I don't mind circumventing one bit.
Oh, and yes:
You're welcome!
Hi mate great website and thanks for the great FREE tips.Just one question,i'm fron Northern Ireland and realise that it could be quite expensive for them to reply,should I offer to help pay postage as I wouldn't mind doing so?Would this be a problem for the prison or prisoner?
Rab, that's a good question. While I don't know the best answer for certain-sure, my best guess is that mentioning your willingness to cover postage would be appreciated by almost any overseas inmate. The only trouble might be with the prison mail system--I'm none too sure how efficient some of them are when it comes to inmates being able to send mail other than domestic letters.
If you do get a penpal or two who can tell you how that works for them, I'd really appreciate your dropping back by this site to let us know.
Hola I have a question. I want to write to a prison inmate also. I live in Canada and found someone i'm interested in writing to but he lives in USA. He put "No" to corresponds overseas. Now this may be a stupid question but does Canada count as overseas? ha ha
No, Canada doesn't count as overseas, but there may well be restrictions that prevent a convicted felon from coming across the border to see you even after he's served his time. We all know celebrity ex-cons do that all the time, but most of those getting out are anything but that.
Which might mean that you'd have to travel south to see him.
The rules change all the time between nations, though, and especially border rules. You might want to check it out with the authorities, but even then the answers might not match up with your correspondent's particular situation. I do know that the rules can vary depending on the crime for which he was convicted.
Here's a link to a bit of discussion on the matter. You'll note the responses are all over the place:
Hey Ghost it's August 8th and this Hub, for personal reasons, touched near to my heart,
Whether it's to find a pen pal, or correspond with an inmate you actually know, what you have done, is provided people with an opportunity to relate to others, the same as us but rather in need, desperate need to feel a purpose.
There seems to be so much joy and comport, not to mention hope when sharing with someone on the outside.
No crap, in 14 months, this is my favorite hub I have read.
The video was unbelievable!!!!! What a voice/song and such simple visuals that just pulled at my heart!
I shall link it on my profile page where slowly many words are building a link to different music videos.
(oh, before I forget, please please can you give me your links, as I cannot find them (me bad) to www.kimberlyslyrics@gmail.com if you don't mind. However if you should mind, not to worry I'll just stalk you and become a cyberbully and shall become obsessive following your hubtivity on an hourly basis. LOLOLOLOL
OK trying to refocus! My X did 25 years before I met him, then incarcerated 3 more times when we were together. My point being, a maximum level security penitentiary I struggled more, surprisinglto me, to write him. Writing was harder for me than the visitations, despite obvious differences.
For him, to have had a pen pal, or more, could have helped so very much.
The concept of people helping people excites me and gets me thinking of all the possibilities.
Babble I do. I know stating the obvious. zzzzzzz
I shall let you get back to life, starting with my email and add one last detail I just must tell you or I'll burst!
I have been working, for some time, on a line of greeting cards, ranging in numerous sentiments of greeting cards targeting families for a means to help write and a set for inmates to do the same, struggling with the same challenges. Both stuck on 'what do I say?' Collection hard to decide a name but playing with;
Not to stay in, mate!
Know You Said It.
My pain is in side.
Can't get a cell, so I wrote
In Mate
Con Vict
Time is Closer
Guard my Time
Pris Oner
In no sent
No Number is Your Number One
Stripes or Solid, looks the same 2 Me
Visit A Tion
Out or in?
Lock Do W.N.
One Sentence
Who's not Guilty?
Ha and 100 more! Bet your thrilled at this comment, but tell me if any you think could last the test of time????????????????????????????
Ghost thanks for the information, inspiration, blabber time and email that your about to send, most of all, bringing this to the forefront.
Tried reading your most recent 4 hubs, but Love, so confused. Being Canadian and no concept of Politics, I'm lost. But ready to catch up others that are at my level.
Oh, stop rolling your eyes. I forgot to mention, also off to visit that Slammer Musical website!
Oh, One more thing, just kidding. xo
Kimberly
Uhhh...thanks? (Definitely thanks for the comment.)
Let's see...:
1. Not sure what links you're asking for, hon. Feel free to drop me an email through HP to clarify, if you would.
2. It's okay that you have no concept of U.S. politics. After all, I've got no concept of Bruce Springsteen! LOL! (No, really, I don't. Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, and a bunch of other dead guys, mostly.)
3. It's a good thing I've got quite a few "other" hubs in place for your reading pleasure since politics is destined to absolutely dominate my writing for some time to come. I'm convinced to the marrow of my bones that our country is facing the deepest crisis in its entire history, NOT excluding the Civil War. I simply have no choice but to fight as hard as possible for what I believe, quite likely without a single day's rest between now and the day we elect our next President in November of 2012.
4. From the time I was big enough to start running my mouth (and believe me, that wasn't very big at all), people here and there have accused me of arrogance. But you know what? I've NEVER been able to find within myself the level of arrogance that would allow me to see a man or woman as "less" of a human being simply because he or she was incarcerated.
For some reason, writing that last bit reminded me of Saint Paul (despite my not being a Christian). HE was certainly tossed in ye olde clink many a time, back in the day...:)
hi i have been looking on inmate connection and i have seen someone i would like to write to but after reading this im unsure how to start my letter because i was going to say "hey i saw your ad on inmate connection". he is in windsor, north craolina do you have any idear what they are like about penpal ad's. im from the uk would you still say i should get a p.o box (he is in for murder and not out untill 2030 xxx
Kezza, I don't know about North Carolina specifically, having never written anyone in that state. It's not as bad as Florida; no other state comes close to that. But I'd recommend a slightly, um, "sneakier" approach.
In other words, you might want to pick out something about his ad that really attracted you and mention that without directly referring to his ad. Example: Our friend Sherri, right here in an Arizona prison, mentioned in her ad that she likes to run marathons. In our first letter to her, I said something like,
"Dear Sherri,
My wife and I've been wanting to drop you a line specifically to encourage you to continue training for marathons. Pam and I are both lifetime athletes, though her disabilities do limit what she can do physically these days...."
If you just can't come up with something like that (anything that doesn't use the word "ad"), it's still worth a try. Certainly the odds of getting a response would still be better than if you didn't write at all.
If you can afford a P.O. box, I'd still do that. For a guy writing a gal, it's not so potentially dangerous. The other way around...an ounce of protection can provide a pound's worth of peace of mind.
Hi,
Interested in writing to a female inmate in Tennesee. I'm from England. I mailed a letter a few days ago, but I missed out all the accurate info you had put. So I re did it and typed it up.
I was was just wondering about stamps and such. The prison is TPW in Tennesee.
Rhys, I'm guessing--and it's just a guess; I haven't researched this lately--that the cost of mailing a letter from her prison to England is probably higher than it would be for purely domestic mail. Which, yes, does mean that she may need a bit of assistance in order to be able to afford the postage to write back.
However, there's not much you can do about it in the beginning...with one exception: It doesn't hurt to have a line in your first letter saying something to the effect that, "If you need stamp money, please let me know the Money Order procedures for Tennessee".
The reason you'll need to wait before providing assistance, though, is simply that no two states have exactly the same rules for inmates receiving money. We're currently writing two girls, one in Georgia and one in Arizona. In Georgia, for a while, only family members were allowed to contribute. Thankfully, the state soon saw that wasn't working, so they went back to the current system--which does, nonetheless, require the sender to be on an "approved list" (submitted to the administration by the inmate), and also requires the sender to send the money orders to a separate office in a separate city.
Then again, it's super-easy in Arizona, where all we have to do is pop the money order right into the same envelope with a letter to the inmate. The mailroom snags it, sends it off to be posted to the girl's account, and that's that.
We've never written anyone in Tennessee, so I can't help on that one specifically. Plus, the rules sometimes change, so you'll need to cross your fingers and hope she is willing and able to scrounge up enough stamp money to get back to you at least once.
Hi,
Thanks very much, hopefully she'll write back. :)
Hopefully, yes indeed. But Rhys, if she doesn't, please don't let that discourage you too much. It's always an up-in-the-air thing until you get that first letter back. And the timing can be something else as well. We had one lady we wrote for quite a while who hesitated before she responded...for MONTHS. The idea had excited her when she got the letter, but then "fear of success" had kept her dithering without making a decision for a lo-ong time.
Guess you could say it's kind of like fishing. If you cast your line once and no fishy bites, you normally don't quit fishing...you just toss the line out there again! :)
Very true Ghost :)
I've lately been looking for penfriends from the world and while looking I found some websites for prisoners wanting penpals. I thought that was pretty cool and I am considering writing to one who is around my own age (18) but I live in New Zealand and he is in a USA Prison. Do you think he would reply or would it be too much bother for him? I know I should offer to pay postage but I wouldnt know how to do this.
Thanks for this Info.
Marina, most of the people in U.S.A. prisons would be thrilled to have a pen pal in New Zealand. You thoughtfully mentioned postage, and that WOULD be the only question mark...especially because international postage costs more than domestic.
However, it's not hard to bring up your willingness to pay postage. In fact, you already wrote down an excellent way to do this. The rules do differ from state to state, but the most common way to pay for postage is to send a money order in the inmate's name which the prison will post to his account. I'd suggest a paragraph, maybe deep in the middle of your first letter, which reads something like,
"...I'd be happy to cover your postage costs, especially considering the extra outlay involved in international correspondence, but I do need you to advise me: What are the rules in your facility? Do they allow stamps to be sent directly, or would I need to send a money order? If a money order, do I mail it in the same envelope with a letter, or...?"
You don't have to use that exact wording, of course. Use your own writing style; just let him know you're willing to help and need to know the procedure.
Here in Arizona, it's pretty simple: Just include a money order in the same envelope as a letter and it's taken care of (you always have to put their prison ID number on the money order along with the address).
In Georgia, where we had a pen pal for a number of years, you actually have to send the money order in a separate envelope to a separate processing facility in a totally different city!
So, to sum up: Just ask. He WON'T be offended. And you can tell a lot by HOW he responds--if he shows (in his writing) a combination of reluctance to ask you to do it AND gratitude that you offered, that's a GOOD thing.
Hey, I stumbled across this page a few days ago and it's definitely helped in pushing me a little more toward thinking about writing to a prisoner. Therefore, I wanted to say thanks for the tips!
When it comes down to it though I'm still a tad nervous at the thought for a few reasons. I like the idea of doing something that could potentially be helpful for someone. Initially I'd caught a program on television about writing to inmates and was intrigued by the idea. After lurking writeaprisoner for a few days one particular ad/profile/whatever just kind of stuck but I'm not sure about my writing ability and I'm Canadian. This particular inmate has checked off that they don't mind corresponding overseas so my assumption was that Canada wouldn't be a problem. That said, I'm fairly young (21 in April) and I'm not quite sure how/where to start. It seems as though we have quite a bit in common, almost a scary amount, and I suppose that's the reason for this person sticking out of the masses. Anyway, I don't really know why I'm writing this comment but if you have any other tips, they would be appreciated (or maybe I just need that extra little push).
Hanna, just one "other tip" comes to mind: If/when you do write this inmate, it could be helpful to tell him what you've just told me--that you're not sure about your writing ability, that you hope being Canadian is not a problem, and that you really don't know where to start. Your writing ability is fine, based on your comment, and being Canadian will be just fine, too.
That way, your correspondent will INSTANTLY think, "Aw-w-w, I need to protect her!" He'll be appreciative that you wrote at all.
I've seen cases where an unskilled guy writing a female inmate...got no response. But the other way around? Never! A guy who's inside will nearly ALWAYS respond favorably to a letter from a female.
I know I would.
I am interested in writing a letter to a man in prison that I have seen on an Investigative Discovery show. I am concerned as to what to say because I don't want to talk about his trial, or, I don't want my letter to get lost within the other letters that he may get. I would really like some advice on how to start the letter and how I can engage him in a PenPal type situation.
Can you advise?
Hm. Let's see....maybe something like,
"Dear ++++,
You must have mail coming out your ears these days. Even so, your appearance on the Investigative Discovery show drew me like a moth to the flame. Specifically? I was impressed by your +++++++ and the way you ++++++.
Who, me? Well, I'm ++++++, grew up a +++++ in ++++++ and yada yada yada.
[NOTE: If you've spotted things you seem to have in common, DEFINITELY tie them in together. You know, if he played semipro ball and you powered your high school team to a state championship. Or you're both left handed. Or have similar attitudes about work, God, country, whatever.]
Hope to hear back from you soon,
Sincerely,
Holly
Something like that. Hope this helps...?
Ah. One other thing: Since you apparently have a computer, you probably also have a word processing program and a printer. If my printer is down, I'll write a longhand letter--they still work--but a nice, neat, sharp-looking printed piece is worth considering if it's not too much hassle. Appearance isn't necessarily everything in this case, but most of the letters he's getting (even these days) will be hand-scribbled. Don't know why; it's just the way it is. If yours is neatly printed (word processor), it will definitely stand out...and that's a good thing.
hello,
i want to start writing to an inmate, but i have no idea how to start it. there isnt much info in his profile to go on. any suggestions for starting the letter off?
Hi, Kailee--thanks for asking. It's a little tricky without seeing his profile, but here are a few openers I've used over the years:
1. I was drawn to your photo for some reason I've yet to quite pin down....
2. Your poem grabbed my attention--which is unusual, since I don't even LIKE most poetry....
3. Pam and I liked your photo. When we read your profile and discovered that we live within xx miles of your facility--right here in Arizona....
4. You're a firefighter, and that was enough for us to keep reading. After we nearly lost our Montana cabin to a wildfire in 1999....
In other words, it helps to start with a reason OF SOME SORT for being "drawn" to the person you're writing. Years back, my friend in Anaconda--a single man in his 50s who'd been engaged once but never more than that--tried writing to a few girls I picked out for him (he didn't have a computer). Only one ever wrote back, and that didn't go well at all.
But I very seldom lose 'em on the first round. Later, sure, as one party or the other (him or you) may learn enough to realize there's no fit. But seldom on the first try--and that "bridging" has, I believe, much to do with it.
If you study the profile, and study and study, and still can't tell WHY you want to write this guy, you can even use THAT as an opener:
"For the life of me I'm not sure WHY I feel impelled to write you today. Maybe you can tell me? Here's some info to go on: [then a lot of stuff about yourself, but not in big gobs--half a dozen "key details"], then close with "Hope to hear from you soon", and sign off.
Hope this helps.
Ghost: I never had a prison pen pal just many friends in prison that I kept company through letters for years. Hey that one letter each week, 2 weeks etc. makes a huge difference especially to them.... You and Pam are such sweethearts... How's Mastini??? LOL... SUCKA... Joking!!!
Hey too check out "drbj" great great hubs!!!!
Good for you on the keeping company thing.
Mastini is now Leo Mastino--or Buddy if I'm trying to persuade him to move his butt out of the way.
"Sucka!" for real! LOL! Now, as it happens, Pam and I believe in reincarnation and also figured out where (in what critter) each of us has known this Soul before....
"drbj"--no relation, I presume. :) On my way.
To David Brown: I reluctantly deleted your comment because it was nothing but an ad asking people to write to you. This page is set up to explain how to write to prison pen pals but is NOT designed to be a pen pal listing.
You no doubt already know that there are several pen pal "finder sites" out there. Hopefully, you've signed up with one or more of those.
Wow! voted up and awesome ! love the HUb .:)
Thanks. Just reminded me that I need to write one of our prison pen pals tonight....
Hi Ghost, I want to write to a prisoner in Montana who I believe has been wrongly convicted. He has sat in jail for almost 30 years now. I'm just not sure how to start writing a letter. I'm not good at writing especially to a stranger, any advice would be appreciated.
Hi, Eva.
He's in the prison at Deer Lodge, then? Or one of the smaller facilities?
Tell you what, why don't I write out a few lines here "pretending to be you", see if it gives you any ideas you could work from. If not, no harm no foul.
"Dear -----"
"It's hard to know how to start this letter. I'm not good at writing. In fact, I felt I needed help so much that I actually contacted a writer for advice. Which was kind of amazing, since it turns out he's orginally from Montana. Grew up on a ranch west of Drummond, east of Missoula.
"Anyway, I'd like to get to know you, so it's only right I should tell you something about me, right? I'm 5'5" tall, 120 pounds, and built like Barbara Eden on the old I Dream of Jeannie TV show. LOL! No, really, people tell me that all the time. My hair is jet black, though, and I have green eyes. I'll be happy to send a photo (or more than one) as soon as you let me know the prison's rules regarding pictures.
Right there, Eva, that would be enough to get a quick response from 99.9% of all male inmates. If you were a guy writing a gal, you might need to do better than that--but hardly ever the other way around. A lady's letter coming inside prison walls is pure GOLD.
That said, if there's something the two of you have in common--for example, say if he was left-handed and you have a left-handed brother (or whatever)--use it.
Then, after you've mailed the letter, do try to be patient. (It's hard, but try.) It's not uncommon for letters to inmates to require up to two weeks for a round trip, even if the prisoner writes back the minute he reads the incoming mail.
Plus, you have no way of knowing what other obstacles he might be facing that could delay his response. He might be in the prison hospital, or the entire prison might be in lockdown for one reason or another, or HE might be in lockdown (stuff happens), or he might be desperately trying to scrounge paper, a pen, an envelope, and a stamp. You just never know, and have no way of knowing.
But he'll most likely respond, and do so as soon as he possibly can.
Thank you so much for the help! Yes, he is in Deer Lodge. I don't know much about him other than he has been there for almost 30 years. Should I send paper and stamps? He is having some kind of hearing on the first of August, is it okay to wish him luck? I don't want to depress him if my letter arrives after the 1st and for an example he was denied a new trial. I just want him to know that even though I do not know him, he is not forgotten.
Thanks.
I just heard he has moved to Lewiston and now I do not know where to send his mail. How do i find out?
Don't wish him luck. You never know; his hearing may have been put off or cancelled or whatever. AFTER the two of you are in touch regularly, you can do that sort of thing.
Good thing you found out he'd been moved. Your letter to Deer Lodge would have come back saying he wasn't there but giving no further explanation.
Okay, here what you can try to pin down where to send his mail:
Inmate locator link: https://app.mt.gov/conweb/
A different inmate locator link: http://www.myinmatelocator.com/Montana/Montana.htm
Phone:(406) 535-6660 Lewistown does not have a prison facility per se that I can identify online, but this is the number for Nexus Treatment Center. You might call and ask if he's being treated there, and if he is, ask if he's allowed mail during the treatment program. It's a bit of a long shot, but Nexus does take referrals from the prison.
Possible problem: If he IS there, the Inmate Locators may not work, as Nexus is a private treatment center and not a prison.
Nexus treats for both alcohol and methamphetamine abuse problems.
Good luck hunting!
Note: It's Lewiston, Idaho, but Lewistown, Montana. There IS a prison --or at least a major jail-- in Lewiston, Idaho. Let me know if that's where he is, or use THIS inmate locator: http://www.idahoprisoninmates.org/lewiston-city-ja
Thank you so much Ghost for all your help, I really appreciate it. He is still in Montana not Idaho and someone gave me a PO box for him in Lewiston. They said he was moved to a detention center there awaiting a hearing on the 1st. I never heard of an inmate getting mail from a PO box but maybe because they are just holding him there temporarily. Anyway, thanks again for your help! :)
Eva, they ALL "get mail from a P.O. Box". The box # is for the prison mail room, where they open every envelope and do a quick scan and/or read-through to see if there's any contraband in there or if you're saying things you shouldn't. (They don't care about personal stuff, just don't want, for example, a jail break being plotted, etc.)
After they've decided it's safe and acceptable, they'll then deliver the mail to the inmate(s)--sometimes with the outside envelope and sometimes without, so be sure to include your full name and return address in the letter itself, not just on the envelope.
Oh okay thank you! I was confused about the PO box because they didn't even give me a prison number or anything for him but my last address for him had a number. Thank you for your help! I will be sending my letter out today! take care Ghost!
Good luck!
Just recently I became aware of and interested in writing an inmate. I'm studying psychology and am particularly fascinated w/ abnormal psychology. I also like to listen to people's stories & their overall perspective on life. I found an ad a mother placed for her son. I don't really know how to even start the 1st letter off. Do I have to include my full name or is my first sufficient? I don't know if I'm suppose to ask "Hey... want to be pen-pals?" I just feel like that's a dumb question but I don't know how to start it off.
I do know I should
-get a PO Box
-Set the ground rules: nothing beyond a friendship, I can't offer money or packages
-not too many personal details about myself such as where I work and where I go to school. Maybe if I feel I can trust that person I will reveal more but that would be after a year or so..
Also, I prefer not to send pictures. but I can understand that putting a face to a name is something we'd all like to do if we're communicating with someone we've never met.. so I don't know if I should or shouldn't.
If you can address my questions & concerns that would be awesome! Thanks!
Sadi, those are all good and logical questions and concerns. By the numbers:
1. Yes, you must use your full name if you're going to write at all. If you don't, the letter won't even reach the inmate; the Prison will reject it in the mail room.
2. If that concerns you--if you don't want your pen pal to be able to know who you when he gets out, for example--then please do not write him at all. You don't need the worry, and he doesn't need to feel rejected by yet another member of society.
3. DO get a P.O. Box. Writing as an experienced and when necessary tough-as-nails man (albeit with wife and writing as a couple) to women in prison, we've done it both ways. That is, there were times we didn't have a P.O. Box, and we didn't worry about it--because we knew (and still know) that I'm capable of spotting the wacko ladies early on and redirecting their attention elsewhere
But for you: Yes, get a P.O. Box. The hassle you save may be your own.
3. Setting the ground rules is good. First off, if you do so, and your pen pal still tries to cross the line, you will immediately know that (a) he's a scammer or (b) he's not paying attention. This is information worth having.
4. Definitely, as you say, wait until you're sure (trust) before you even think about passing on where you work or where you go to school. One good thing about inmate correspondence is that taking your time is seldom a problem; they're not going anywhere.
5. Pictures: Never with the first letter, but eventually, yes. If his first letter to you reveals something "off", leaving you thinking, "Uh-oh, picked the wrong one!"--then you'll feel great satisfaction knowing that at least he doesn't have your picture.
6. Do NOT mention the term "pen pal". Some states (Florida is the worst) hate prison pen pal ads and will shut down any correspondence they can identify as originating from such.
Here's a sample of how you might open a letter, touching on some of these things as you go (Oh--and DO put your full name and return address IN THE LETTER HEADING as well as on the envelope. Some prisons trash the envelopes before delivering the contents to the inmates.)
Sample opening:
"Dear -------,
"Hi there. We seem to have at least a couple of things in common. [Note: If you can't dredge up anything from his ad to which you can relate, it's probably not worth writing at all] Both Scorpios, residents of planet Earth....
"Anyway, I feel drawn to you [with or without a reason; a guy in prison doesn't care] and thought I'd drop you a line. Not looking for a relationship, and I'm way too broke to even help out with stamps, but at least if you write me back (which I surely hope you do), I can promise to reply by return mail.
"I don't have a current picture at the moment but will be correcting that oversight soon. If you'd like to have a photo when I get one, let me know. Definitely I'd appreciate one of you.
"I'm (brief physical data, bio, whatever about you that will give him some insight without putting you at risk in case he's a sneaky bad guy)....
"Hope to hear back from you soon.
"Sincerely,
"Me
Now, specifically about photos: In your case, I'd prepare to send just one, eventually. A photo of the real me (you), BUT a pic through which you could NOT easily be identified at a glance. These are easy enough to produce. Sunglasses, a hat, messing around with your makeup, and/or the joys of computer thingies (such as tinkering with exposure, color balance, etc.).....
Your goal would be a photo that's attractive, and it really is you, but even a professional Bounty Hunter would have to look twice to figure out it's the real you as you appear every day.
[Unrelated but personally hilarious side note: My ex-wife and I once put me in drag, in her clothing & lipstick, and she took a snapshot. Imagine my shock when I looked at the picture--and it was the spitting image of my LEAST favorite aunt!! LOL!)
I hope this helps.
How do you go about getting the contact information to start sending letters. My youth group is interested but we have no idea how to start.
The easiest way is to Google "prison pen pals", pick a website, and just browse through the profiles of inmates who've posted ads. A number of the better sites provide the contact information free of charge. My two favorites at the moment (Sept. 2011) are "Meet An Inmate" and "Write a Prisoner" (both dot-coms).
I love writing my pen pals i have several of them all in different facilities one is actually my best friend now. we talk alot . best thing i ever did was become a pen pal
That's really good to hear, Megan. Thanks for posting your experience.
Hey - I recently started writing a guy in prison in Green Bay. I think on the last letter that I sent to him I forgot to put his ID number even though I put everything else (ie my return address, the whole address including corrections) I'm trying to find out if he is going to get this letter in particular or if I should write him again since he usually replies within 7 days and has not replied in 10. Please help!
I'd write him again, since I've never seen a letter make it through to the inmate without an ID number on it. (Yes, I've made that same mistake.)
Most likely, you'll eventually get the letter bounced back to you from the prison--but it can take a while. Sometimes a month or more. They tend not to put "rejected" letters in a high priority pile.
When you receive a letter from.an inmate, how does the return address show?
?Not sure what you mean. It shows the person's name, then his prison ID number, then his location within the prison right down to the bed # he occupies, then what prison he's at, then the P.O. Box, down, state, and zip.
Hello Ghost. I just finished writing my first letter to my first inmate ever. It was always something that I had wanted to do and finally just did it. I found an inmate on an website for prison pen pals, but don't want to mention the site on here as I read an earlier post by you stating that you deleted it for that reason. However, the add that I had found had the address and inmate number and name. After that I wanted to verify it was real and not some Nigerian wanting to scam me. So I went to the jail website and made sure. I put in the inmate number and the correct name came up, so that all checked out. I also went a little further to make sure I include what I need to by the jails standards and not include anything I shouldn't. I took your advice and only sent the letter with my address on top also. I hope to hear back as I believe it would be meaningful for me and hopefully for the recipient as well. Thanks for posting your information. I really appreciate it.
Thanks for commenting; it sounds like you've done everything right. If the letter to the inmate was half as good as what you've written here, I have little doubt you'll hear back.
In fifteen years of writing inmates so far, my wife and I've only failed to hear back a couple of times out of..let me think...a hundred or more. They didn't all last a great length of time as correspondents--mostly because some of them were looking for a free ride and quit writing us (often without warning) when they realized we weren't good for that, but the vast majority did at least respond to the first letter.
Feel free to let us know how it goes--if you so choose.
hi! i'm glad i found this helpful article. i just joined an organization where i was set up with a penpal on death row. i'm excited to write my first letter. i'm wondering if you suggest having a P.O. box? i've noticed some sites do suggest it, but do you find it to be a necessity?
Jackie, I'd not list a P.O. Box as a necessity unless you're nervous about a correspondent getting out of prison and coming to find you with evil on his mind. Especially with a death row pen pal, that's highly unlikely.
Hi Ghost,
Really appreciate all the great information you've given here about writing inmates. Its something i've been wanting to do for a long time now and am finally getting round to.
I do have a few questions though that i was hoping you could help me with.
I know not to mention the ad in the letter, however would it be foolish to refer to their picture at all? I don't want to mention it (I was drawn to your picture...etc) and then the prison make the connection i must of seen it on their ad and not give them the letter?
Also, i'm in the UK and i've found a prisoner in the USA that i would like to write to, i'm happy to offer help for postage (which i will do) but from your experience is the likely hood of not reciveing a reply from the inmate high because i'm overseas?
Any help will be greatly appreciated! :)
Tasha, aswering you questions "by the numbers":
1. I don't usually refer to the picture directly in the first letter (for the security reason you mentioned) but will sometimes allude to it indirectly. Your call on that one. But, better safe than sorry--and believe me, a gal writing a guy will almost ALWAYS get a reply back.
2. I'm not sure about the overseas aspect. However, it's A-OK to mention in the letter that you realize the postage for overseas mail is "not cheap" (which is really, really true for inmates whose monthly income can be as low as literally $zero$). Then you can also ask him (IF he would like the help with postage) how to do that in his particular facility.
Overall, even with the ocean between the two of you, I'd say your odds of getting a reply (eventually--prison mail can be really slow) is good. Mail for any inmate is a really, really big deal.
Thank you for the quick reply Ghost. Your words are much appreciated. I certainly wont let the fact that i'm overseas from the inmate stop me from sending that first letter!
I am curious about one thing, which you may know more about, if some places frown about prisoners having pen pal ads so much, how do they get the inital ad online?
Tasha: To answer your very logical question,
1. The worst place I know about is Florida. That state is really nasty, and Florida inmates have to be as careful as possible.
2. In most states--possibly even Florida, though we've not had a pen pal there--OUTGOING inmate male is ALMOST NEVER READ by prison authorities. Ingoing mail is watched closely as something the authorities consider "contraband" (meaning, "You can't have that! 'Cause we said!"). But outgoing, they just don't often worry about.
3. So, while the pen pal site may not be able to write the inmate back to say they got the ad, the inmate CAN send the ad to the website...and many of the websites will automatically accept and post it, without charging the inmate.
need help finding penpals for my youth group but i was hoping to find teen inmates since thats who the youth group are interested in writing to. help please
Melissa, that's awesome--but I don't know how much I can help. There is one thing you might try:
SOME of the prison pen pal sites have their groups of inmates categorized by age. None of the super-young (below 18) are EVER listed, primarily, I would guess, for legal reasons. If you Google the various sites and check them out a bit, you may be able to come up with a number of teenaged imates seeking correspondents.
Ghost, great advise again. I may give it a run here in the future. I have a mail box in town that keeps anyone from getting here other than by sneaking in following me and they'll need a good 4x4 to cross or run down the sand washes I use for alternate roads to get in some fun on the ride and a little rabbit hunting in cool weather.
Peace,
Dust
Yeah, Dusty, we get our mail at a P.O. Box as well. Don't trust the rack of rural delivery boxes that stand at the interesection of our dirt road and the highway, for one thing. Seen too many break-ins in locations from here to Montana.
Not that our location is exactly unknown to the locals. Getting active in local politics did sort of blow our cover some time ago...:)
Back atcha,
Ghost
Ghost,
Thanks for all of this great info!
I wish I had stumbled upon it two weeks ago when I sent my first mail. I wasn't thinking, really, and sent a simple greeting card and didn't include my last name. I do that all the time with close friends, because they know who it's from. Now I'm afraid it won't get to him. :(
I figured it would have been returned if it was sent incorrectly, but I'm leaning more towards "discarded" at this point.
Life Lesson #28,617. :)
Thanks again for the info.
I've no doubt you and your wife have enriched so many lives. I'm hoping to join those ranks.
Take care,
Mara
Mara, you're more than welcome--and don't be too hard on yourself. The only folks who make no mistakes are those who do absolutely nothing.
You could always write again, do it "right" this time, and laugh at yourself in a paragraph about sending a first-name-only card. Probably blow the guy's mind in a good way.
Welcome aboard!
Ghost, I am so pleased that I found your words of advice on writing inmates! I'm not exactly sure why I got the idea in my head recently to do this. I think I am just so tired of everyone judging everyone else everywhere I turn. For this reason, I am not telling friends or family about my project. I am spiritual, but not religious. I don't want to hear any lectures on why someone doesn't deserve a kind word or a simple letter with their name on it to remind them that they exist and are not shut away, given a number and forgotten. Reminds me of an old Jim Croce song where he sings "I got a name..."...yes someone knows that name that they had long before they were given a number, be it social security#, DL #, phone #, inmate #, toe tag#. I have an adult daughter, I can't imagine what kind of life I would have had or what kind of parent I would have been if not for incredible grandparents who with the talk, "walked the walk". Sometimes in spite of everything in a person's life that seems to be heading them in a certain direction, there is that moment where the stars could either align or everything could come crashing down. For most of us we had enough good moments to lead us in a direction where we aligned well enough with our society that we remain free, with our name...and life isn't passing us by.
I admire your continued generosity and how you "walk the walk".
liistarsiii: And I, in turn, am pleased that I didn't shut off the computer and head to bed when I "should" have. Would have missed your comment till sometime tomorrow. :)
Thanks for the kudos, and welcome aboard.
White jini 3 years ago
wow it must be good info to me to get a penpalum..........my real name is park se-jinbut that kind of name isn't exist in usa or some other country whereusing english so which is better?to say my real name or my english name?and if i say to you my english name then i just can't tell you my first namebecause i don't have thatum..........i've been looking for penpal friend but i think that isn't that easy
i'm 17 years old boyit is enough to hear "your almost adult now"and i also hear that "the time is now that you have to study hardto get great job in the future"
i usually use this e-mail (qkrtpwls314@naver.comif you are interested in this poor english, who living in south korea please send me an e-maili hope to be your friend soon