The Delta Airline Debacle

Back when I was flying, Delta used to be my friend

I'd look to hop that airline till 2006 and then

Coming out of Butte, Montana, headed east to NYC

This ugly flight attendant did not like the look of me

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I'd tipped back in my seat while we were sitting on the ground

Took a little nap until that nasty woman made her rounds

She saw me and decided I might die right on the spot

She woke me up to ask what young attendants I had brought

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“Who is flying with you?” She asked me more than once

I could not prove my competence to this stern, blue-suited dunce

I was hot under the collar; she was snooty and then some

When she walked away I waited for the officers to come

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I figured I could take out two and maybe three or four

Before the numbers got me and I was hustled out the door

I was hoping hard for jail instead of that old looney bin

Those bins are harder to get out of than they are to tumble in

Somehow that never happened and we got airborne just fine

But I knew I’d never dare again to sleep on that airline

Oh Delta, once I knew you, but you’ve changed over the years

Now listen up, dear readers, there is more to stoke your fears

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This was well before the gropers of the evil TSA

Yet the thugs were already in place throughout the USA

Strike two was not an airplane thing but when I checked into my room

It was number 911, near Ground Zero’s day of doom

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I should have known this would not be my lucky trip by air

Still, I went ahead, tried out for Who Wants To Be A Millionaire

Flunked their lousy test though I learned a thing or two

About the way they rigged the deal and who was scamming who

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On the way out of the city, checked a bag they did not lose

It made it back to Butte where I’d removed my tennis shoes

But when I looked it over, the little luggage lock was gone

And everything inside was scrambled like an omelette gone wrong

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All of that took place with Delta, the last set of planes I rode

Haven’t been inside an airport; you can bet that’s all she wrote

I may truck across this country, I may drive a four-wheel car

But I’ll be danged if Delta sees a dime; I’ll spend that money at the bar

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Which is quite a sterling statement since I do not even drink

But a line like that just maybe might make other fliers think

Now Delta’s hooked with rowdy Saudis, living large by the Koran

I’d love to see Delta go down to never fly again

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One more little note and then I’ll put this on the shelf

I took another TV test in Vegas but I drove there by myself

Passed the thing that time but was rejected for the pool

My loyal wife says I’m too smart; I’d have taken them to school

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Whether that’s the case or not, it’s really hard to tell

But when it comes to Delta Airlines, that airline really smells

Do I have a great solution? You know I do; why yes of course

Next time you need to get somewhere, just ride a freaking horse

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Preferably not an Arabian. Camel transport prohibited. Goats and donkeys optional. Special discounts for American breeds like (but not limited to) the Morgan, Tennessee Walker, American Saddlebred, and American Quarter Horse. POA (Pony of the Americas) accepted conditionally for riders under fourteen years of age despite the existence of Arabian DNA in the bloodline.