Simon Says : The Driving Force Behind Left Wing Political Rhetoric

The mystery is solved! Buffy the Vampire Slayer broke the story: Hardcore left wing political rhetoric in the United States is being driven by a simple (though vicious) game of Simon Says.

You've all played the game, right?

The real key to all this is the wicked truth that it's not really Simon the liberal Democrats and fiery-eyed progressives are consulting as their Oracle. Loki, the ancient Norse god of Mischief, has assigned a portion of his essence to animating the Simon-person. If you know anything at all about Loki's history, you know his presence means trouble.

No exception this time.

But to keep it simple, here's how it looks to Leading Libs: They send one of their most trusted (i.e. wild-eyed radical) members to consult with "Simon". Simon Says,

"Simon Says, start calling the Tea Party racist!"

And they do. The Liason Lib passes the word back to a selected group of Word Passers who in turn notify key folks like President Obama, Horrible Harry Reid, and a whole slew of talking heads in the media.

"Are you sure this is true?" A foolish young (though well meaning) Liberal asks.

"Simon Says!" Comes the instant reply. "Do as Simon Says!"

And so it goes.

Loki--uh, Simon--watching the stir this ridiculosity produces, enjoys himself immensely, laughing so hard the guards outside the Temple of Simon wonder at the noise issuing from the very walls of the great edifice. He laughs, and laughs, and laughs...and then stops. The idiots are still repeating the same tired foolishness months later. Don't they know Loki--uh, Simon--gets bored easily?

Obviously not. Time to up the ante.

The Liason Lib prostrates himself before the Throne of Simon--between Simon and Obama, he's getting good at this--and hears Great Simon's next utterance.

"Declare that mass murderer Jared Loughner was obviously inspired by right wing extremist talks shows and other right wing extremists like Sarah Palin!"

Immediately, word goes forth in a great flood of vehement accusation larded liberally (what else?) with ill wishes and even death threats...which quickly backfire. It's soon proven that Loughner paid no attention whatsoever to right wing materials, talk shows, or individuals. He had checked out a few left wing writings. The Liberals end up with massive amounts of egg on their faces.

"Fools!" Loki--uh, Simon--roars with laugher. "I didn't say Simon Says!" And so he did not.

Loki is nothing if not an equal opportunity trickster.

The Liberals were furious, but--being Liberals--that fury was laser focused on American conservatives. It never occurred to them that the shape-shifting god of trickery might be lurking within the form of their all-knowing, blessedly blessed Soothsayer Simon. They blamed themselves for failing rather than turning on the one who had misled them in the first place.

Which amused Loki--uh, Simon--no end. He was having a fine old time.

"Got a new one for you!" He said this with an air of great importance when the Liberal Liaison next visited the great Oracle of Simon.

"Oh, goody!" The sucker--uh, Liason--responded. "I can't wait!"

"Nor is their any need. Simon Says, forget about the racist thing and start calling Tea Party people terrorists!"

"Uh--you did say Simon Says, right? 'Cause last time...."

"Yes, yes. Simon Says!"

"Oh, goody!" The man capered in glee before running off to notify the others. "Simon Says to start calling Tea Party people terrorists!"

It did not occur to the Liason to ponder the fact that his Army of Simonizers were people who wouldn't even call a real terrorist a terrorist. To do so would have required actual thinking, a definite no-no in the game of Simon Says.

Loki--uh, Simon--completely lost it, unthinkingly reverting to a shape resembling his fearsome son, the great wolf Fenrir. He fell on his back, howling in high good humor, holding his stomach with his front paws. His mighty hind feet lashed out in giggle-spasm, smashing through the roof of of the S.O.S. (Simple Oracle Simon) building.

Outside, the guards gaped up at the gaping holes, staring in awe at the monstrous wolf-feet with their curved, non-retractable claws--for a few seconds. Then they shrugged and went back to pitching pennies. It was not theirs to question why.

Inside, Loki--uh, Simon--gradually got hold of himself, once again assuming the Simon form. It doesn't even occur to these folks, he thought to himself, that the real terrorists within are people like Eric Holder with his Fast and Furious program placing U.S. weapons in the hands of Mexican drug cartel members and turning them loose to kill Mexicans and Americans alike.

It was a great joke on this land, one that Loki--uh, Simon--appreciated immensely.

Loki--uh, Simon--loves America.

There was only one cloud on his humor horizon, that being the elections of 2012, but he did not worry. This trick, like all others, would one day run its course and be gone. When that happened, he would find a new way to keep himself amused, a new angle to pursue in the matter of ridiculously inane left wing political rhetoric to put out there through his many mindless muppets.

He always did.

Though it did bother him some that Buffy the Vampire Slayer had chosen him to investigate. That girl was getting to be a real pest.