Sarah Palin's Alaska, Episode #5 : Kate Plus Eight Loves Camping With the Palins--NOT!!

Tonight's episode of Sarah Palin's Alaska illustrated two things:

1. The entire Palin family knows how to enjoy camping, even in the rain.

2. If you're ever offered a choice between going camping with Kate Gosselin or having your toenails yanked out by terrorists using hot pliers, you'll want to choose that second, much less painful option.

In fairness to the city girl who couldn't begin to comprehend why people would do this sort of thing voluntarily (camping, not toenail removing), the pretrip bear safety training class probably didn't help a whole lot. Kate's no gun girl, but she did manage to pull the trigger once on Sarah's new anti-bear shotgun. Good for her.

But you can't blame her for being more than a little freaked out by the "bear bite" demo. The instructor had Willow lie face down on the floor, then used a hefty bear skull to illustrate where a bear would bite you while you must (if it comes to that situation) not get up:

Bite #1: At the back of your neck, where you have your best hand over said neck and your other hand over your good hand--so that if you lose one hand, you've still got the use of the good one for your later years, and (obviously) if you lose both hands, maybe at least your head will still be attached to your body. Do not get up!

Bite #2: Below the shoulder blades. Do not get up!

Bite #3: Mr. Bear takes a chunk right out of your butt. Do not get up!

Is it really any wonder Ms. Gosselin lost it? To someone like me, info like that is no big deal (though the day I pay attention to the experts and play dead for a bear will be a cold day in Hell), but to an urbanite who likely still believes wild Indians are ambushing wagon trains in Montana Territory? Instead of helping her prepare for reality, that class looked like it made her feel she'd just time-warped into a Stephen King novel!

See, I actually think Kate is cute...and I'll make up excuses for a cute girl all day long.

Cute or not, though, she certainly did b-tch constantly once they'd all reached the campsite. Yeah, it was bad out there--chilly, raining, all that. If you've lived "outside", whether for recreation as a "camper" or as a homeless person who camps to survive , you know that knowledge and preparation are important, but attitude will make or break you.

Kate's attitude even broke the Palins' cheer a bit...until she left, that is, dragging her kids behind her. Then it was happy time back in camp.

Unfortunately, Gosselin used emotional blackmail to get her kids outa there. Yeah, I do think the girl is attractive--enjoyed watching her during her (brief) stint on Dancing With the Stars--but she's also got serious issues. Here's the exchange between her and one of her kids, a girl who (like every other Kate-kid there) was having fun and wanted to stay with the Palins for the night, not go to some on-grid lodge with cable TV and all that:

Kate: "Do you want to go or stay?"

Child: "Stay!"

Kate: "Then you're a Palin; you're not a Gosselin."

Child: (in obvious disgust) "Okay! I'll go, then!"

Wow. Lousy parenting in classic form.

 Ah!  Too much photo-rambling, you say?  Get to the point?  You want to see Kate sulk?

Patience!  Still hunting for a decent screen shot that encapsulates her grump....

Kate Gosselin took a lot of flak for wimping out on the camping trip before the Sarah Palin's Alaska episode even aired. While that's certainly understandable, it's not necessarily right. On the parenting issue, her "You're a Palin!" whipcrack maneuver on her kids wouldn't win her any attagirl awards on Dr. Phil...but given the life she's led to date, having never ever thought of being eaten by a bear or playing in the rain, her reaction was pretty much to be expected.

Even close to home, right here in rural Arizona, we see the "assumption of convenience" in people young and old. For example, Pam's son, Zachary, age 25, grew up camping--first with his Mom and later with various friends--as did Sarah Palin herself. On the other hand, his 18-year-old wife, Stephanie, has neither camped nor lived off grid.

And she won't so much as consider using one of our "bucket toilets" when they visit. The lass holds it till she gets home!

Kate Gosselin's inability to deal is admittedly pretty hilarious in its own right, though--if you're not on location, trying to deal with the drama!

Kate's no camper; that's for sure. However, this hub has included a lot of material about Kate Gosselin specifically--pretty much ignoring everybody's kids and not even paying all that much attention to Sarah Palin--because I'm pretty sure of this, too:

No other report on Sarah Palin's Alaska, Episode #5, is going to give Ms. Gosselin credit for what she did accomplish. Here's a woman who's never camped in her life, a woman to whom the preferred Palin lifestyle must seem bizarre in the extreme. Not the paparazzi pressure, of course, and not the parenting issues; she and Sarah definitely have both of those things in common. But beyond that, it's like Kate said to the former Governor of Alaska before fleeing the campsite for more civilized pastures:

"I salute you, Amazon woman!"

Even so, Kate Gosselin deserves credit for trying. Plus, she not only pulled the trigger on that shotgun, but she broke down the bear target--a clean shoulder break with one shot. And her kids won't forget. They got a taste, just a tiny taste, of camping--and they liked it. They liked the salmon teeth Sarah's Dad identified for them. They liked the fire-roasted s'mores. They liked everything about it.

They won't forget. Twenty years from now, it wouldn't be surprising to see one or more of them back in Alaska, packing anti-bear heat and tenting it in wild country, loving every second of what Sarah Palin's Alaska has to offer.