Mockery Mania : A Reliable Political Tool...With a Twist

When it comes to the Democrats, mockery mania runs as rampant as cholera in Haiti after the earthquake. Yes, it's a political tool, and yes, its victims often find themselves twisting in the wind. But to those on the left (and in this case, virtually every registered Dem out there qualifies), they don't just love the stuff--they live it. If you doubt that, just tune in Bill Maher's show (if you can find it) and watch His Snideness attempt to make a bitter living by calling Sarah Palin a mindless moron (on one of his milder days) or Michelle Bachmann a brainless bimbo.

In many cases, the most powerful Officer of the Law during the runup in any hard-fought campaign is all too often...Major Mockery.

Yep. There's no doubt whatsoever that mocking an adversary can be a potent weapon in a Progressive's arsenal. Just ask Saul Alinsky or his gifted disciple, Barack Obama. All too often, mockery works. No wonder there's a run on the mockery bank during important political battles.

What the tax-and-spenders (or in Obama's case, more like spend-and-taxers)...what they fail to realize is that they tell our side exactly who they fear the most by the very intensity of their mockery mania attacks. It's a "tell" more blatant and amateurish than most good poker players could even imagine.

For us on the right, those of us who actually believe in both America as a great nation and the Constitution as a great document, it's a better spy in the enemy camp than we could have ever devised on our own hook. By and large, the Presidential candidate for 2012 We the People need to select is the one who scares the Left the most. If those folks are not scared of our guy or gal, it's either because (a) they know the person is pretty liberal and/or gullible and/or weak, so even if he/she is elected, it won't matter, or (b) they're pretty sure Obama can beat the dude (or dudette).

With that in mind, I've created the MMS, the Mockery Measurement Scale. By the time Election Day for the Republican primary rolls around in 2012, you might want to evaluate the remaining candidates accordingly--and vote for the highest number left standing on Election Day.

The scale runs from zero to ten, with zero meaning the candidate receives no mockery whatsoever from the Left and the ten meaning...well, you'll see.

0-4: Pretense of respect.

Unaware politicians who fall into this grouping have to love what the opposition is saying about them. "Oh, we're glad to see Mitch Daniels is out of the race. President Obama is really scared of him!" If a ZTF (Zero-To-Four) candidate ends up with the Republican nomination in 2012, will I vote for him/her? Most assuredly...but only because that's an ABO (Anybody But Obama) year.

If the Democrats are saying they fear a Republican candidate, that candidate is by default absolutely worthless to those of us seeking to salvage our great nation from the savage beating it's taking in the face of Obama's radical liberal agenda. Because when they say, "That guy's scary to us poor widdle Dems," what they really mean is, "Hah! That fella's got no game!"

A Republican getting apparent open respect from the Democrats is a Republican who in reality gets no respect from the Democrats. Think Rodney Dangerfield.

5-7: Moderate mockery mania but very little shrill screaming.

Politicians in this cateogory have been mistaken for everything from shiitake mushrooms to Shiite Muslims, but in truth there's only one "i" in SH*T-MWY (Stuck Here In The Middle With You). Not "middle" like a full-blown RINO giving away the entire shop to the Dems on a daily basis, but not exactly getting us back to strictly honoring the U.S. Constitution or back on the gold standard, either. Tim Pawlenty is a good example here. Pawlenty is to Tea Party values as cold oatmeal is to breakfast. Either one will probably get you through the morning, but neither one will inspire you to utter enthusiastic endorsements around the office water cooler.

Now we get to the good stuff. Anyone scoring 8, 9, or 10 on the MMS is worthy of over-the-top support in 2012 and terrifies the opposition sufficiently to bring out the screamers.

8: Extreme mockery, but with a potato in the muffler.

Aha! Herman Cain to the rescue! The potato in the muffler, obviously, is the simple (and to the Dems, the enormously frustrating) fact that whille he is a strong poliitical conservative, he is also African American. For Progressives and such, having their race card burned at the stake is purely infuriating. But there is plenty of mockery heaped upon the man's head even so. Some libs go the epithet route with "Uncle Tom" and worse; others sneer at the "pizza schmuck" or calll him the Godfather of Delusions of Grandeur (stretching, but an obvious attempt to denigrate his business experience as the very successful C.E.O. of Godfather's Pizza).

Additionally, there's plenty of heavy pouncing mockery over his total lack of political experience, this being the first time he's run for public office. (To many Americans who actually think for themselves, that's actually a huge plus.)

Hear those potato-muffled screams from the libs? Beautiful sound, isn't it? I could vote for Herman with a big grin on my face.

9. No-limits mockery mania, scorn perfected.

There's not much left out when it comes to terror-inspired mocking attempts designed to put down Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann. By the time a candidate has reached the enviable goal of becoming a Level 9 Mockee, the term elite (not elitist) truly applies.. Here we really see the obvious lie elevated to Preferred Status, truth has absolutely nothing to do with anything the Attack Mockers say, twerps like BIll Maher look down their noses so hard their eyes cross, and death threats begin to appear in flocks.

Not that death threats technically qualify as mockery, but they do appear to be the final resort of horrified Democrats when mockery slides off the target with no visible effect. You go, Michelle.

10. Mockery mania unchained.

There's only one perfect ten out there when it comes to being the target of mockery mania, and that's Our Lady of Alaska, Sarah Palin. Mockery, rage, death threats, expletives not deleted. In her first book, Going Rogue, Sarah describes a 2008 campaign motorcade in which her then seven-year-old daughter, Piper, pointed out of the limousine window at an anti-Palin sign being waved about on the sidewalk and asked,

"What's a cu*t, Mom?"

As a mother, what do you say to that?

Democrats are definitely horrified, terrified, and enraged by the very thought of a possible Bachmann Presidency...but merely mentioning Sarah Palin sends them even farther over the edge, straight into total meltdown.

Why do you suppose so many Palin-haters exist out there? I have a theory. Sarah lives a principled life. Her very existence is a reproach to them, to their willingness to kick back, suckle from the nanny state teat, and let the Devil cull the herd as he will. How dare she?!

I also have an answer for that last question. Let's see if Sarah does get into the race this summer. Right now, crickets are making leg-music outside my office window. If we do see a Palin run for the White House, the bellowing mocking snarking derisive abrasive sounds of a herd of donkeys and nearsighed RINO types braying in panic as one rogue elephant trumpets in the near distance...hey, that ought to beat a few hundred crickets rather nicely.

Nature's music is so remarkable.

Summary: While I'd love to see America finally put a Perfect Ten into the Oval Office, any candidate scoring an 8 or above on the Mockery Mania Scale would certainly put an extra bounce in my step as We the People head toward 2012. Anyone that scary to the left is going to (among other things) get the jobs market back on track. Heck, "Drill, Baby, Drill" could do that much all by itself!

That will mean the nanny state sucklers will be forced to either admit their lack of initiative or actually go out and get a few million day jobs--since day jobs will actually be available. If they're busy making a living, they'll no longer have time to post deeply uninformed, mocking, snarky comments on Yahoo and every other online forum they can find.

That alone would make it all worth it.

Remember in November 2012.