How to Maintain your Redneck Storm Drain
75Before we get to the discussion of storm drains, enquiring readers want to know: Am I sure I'm a redneck?
Pretty sure. Jeff Foxworthy makes me laugh, and at least half of the "redneck fixes" Jay Leno shows on The Tonight Show (or is it still called that?) make perfect sense to me. Using a worn tennis shoe for a cup holder in the truck, for example. Been there, done that.
Storm drains. At the Border Fort, good drainage capable of handling the runoff from no-joke monsoon rains is a serious issue. After all, I built this place smack down on the ground--in fact, a few inches into the ground when all was said and done. There's nothing between us and potentially errant groundwater but a 6mm sheet of black plastic, a layer of OSB strand board waiting to soak up liquid like the finest sponge, and 3/8" of interlocking rubber floor tiles.
If the drain fails here, it's mud and mold city till the cows come home...and we don't own any cows.
Which is why I installed a French drain (cowboy style) when building our home in 2010. We had some pretty good cloudbursts last summer that provided a solid test of the system. The rainwater seeps through the ground into perforated four-inch PVC pipes surrounding the residence, and from there exits through the drain pipe into a small reserve (temporary storage) pit.
That is, we knew it should empty into the pit unless the bunny rabbit who'd been living in the pipe during the off season had built an interior beaver dam or something. Not a real concern, though it's rather likely the first rains did produce a mild case of Wet Wabbit.
The pit fills up pretty quickly when the monsoons are getting real, however, so there's an exit trench from the pit on the far side which takes a meandering route some sixty feet to the north of the building. There, it empties through a couple of sizeable cracks in the Earth which lead to the reserve leachfield for the septic system.
How redneck is that for a storm drain, eh? Bunny blockage, a drainage ditch dug during a downpour by a crazy old white man (and looking the part, the way it winds around like it was drunk), and using the septic tank rock under the Earth to finish the job?
Works for me.
Still, it might not be a bad idea to pull a bit of maintenance after last night's gully washer. You know, wander out there, grab the red-handled shovel, dredge the bottom of that trench a tad....
Picking out the old dead weed stalks that made it into the water channel is simple enough, but how does one know just how much digging needs to be done today, and where?
Nothing to it, old son. See that waterline right there on the far bank of the trench? You know, the mark left by little pieces of vegetation that stuck to the mud at the high water mark during last nights rain runoff?
What? You can't see what I'm getting at here? Dang. Like my old man used to tell me every time I couldn't come up with a tool he'd sent me to fetch, if it was a snake, it's woulda bit you!
Okay, okay. Ah. Here we go. You can't possibly miss this--check out the white rock in the next photo. The high water lline is right there, center of that rock, runing left and right? See it? You do?
Whew! I was about plumb out of ideas for a minute there.
Anyway, by checking that water line, it was easy to tell just where to dig...and how much. There were two or three spots where the mud in the trench bottom came up to within a couple of inches of that line. Scoop, scoop, take it back down to at least four inches of clearance.
And...done!
Naturally, it's required to check in with the Supervisors before going off duty. Gato, being young and all Gung Ho and everything, insisted I'd missed a spot. Kitten Precious. having been around a fair bit longer--and being a typical female--just wanted to make sure I took my shoes off before I came in so's I didn't track mud into the kitchen.
That's it for today. During the monsoon months, it's a good idea to recheck the storm drainage system after every good rain. Later, with the trench dredged out a bit wider and deeper, it may not be quite so critical. But that will have to wait for a bit of miracle money to buy some power equipment.
Right after I catch that Leprechaun.
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Always maintain your drainage ditches or they will run right into your abode. We learned that the hard way when the tent filled up with water and soaked the sleeping bags and futon mattress. Mattress never did dry out and mildewed. We had to throw it away. Thick cotton batting with foam eggcrate to make it just a little softer. Still miss it.
It is, Mike.
You're certainly right about the tools, and I too (along with Pam) have little use for towns except as places to vizit when we want to spend money.
Becky: I didn't go into it in the Hub, but I was most assuredly out there in the middle of the night last night, slopping around in the mud with a flashlight. From my office window, it looked (by flashlight through the screen) like everything was going all right, but until I'd inspected every inch of the ditch, it wasn't time to go getting complacent.
Standing near where the water dumps through the cracks at the end of the ditch, it was easy to see the water was actually flowing forward all the way to the exit, and that was highly reassuring. But I still stayed up until an hour after the weather settled down for the night before closing up shop around 2:30 a.m.
I can understand how losing the futon mattress would really bite. No way that batting would dry out before mildew could take hold.
My Fiance just cleaned ours....well not the redneck kind....yesterday.
Fred, a battle I don't have but I built into the side of a large rise and the water just filters through rock and disperses toward a wash appearing and working natural. It took a track hoe and a D8 with a winch to get the concrete then all the wash rock up there too, a major undertaking and price, if you see the under highway box bridges, it was a contractor for the state I hired to do that work, ending up with a concrete box that all internal walls I've built are zero load bearing and fake windows with lights behind curtains to give effect of sunlight for claustrophobic people. I have bought the knocked down brick walls of houses to put up fake walls, and they are still not done and at this point I probably never will, dust
Fred, one interesting question I am asked by our "city folk" visitors is "How long does it take to get the police out here?" When we tell them anywhere from 45 minutes to a couple days, they are shocked. Most everyone that lives in my area is more than prepared to deal with these issues themselves, as I'm sure you are. Living out in the country is sort of like taking a step back in time, and that is a good thing.
Cardisa: The non-redneck kind works, too, or at least so I've heard. :)
Dusty, I'd have surely considered building into the side of a large rise if one had come with the property, but we're on a pretty flat spot. There is a slight grade, roughly 1%, so the water does take a direction, but not with any great hurry to it.
Where I THOUGHT I was going to build, before my Colorado adventure got Obamified in 2008, was on a 35 acre piece in SE Colo., and that WAS the plan for there. Still miffed a tad about losing that one.
I'd do just fine with a concrete box (with or without sunshiny fake windows), but Pam would heebie-jeebie out on me in a heartbeat. Me, my second most favorite job ever, back in the day, was mining phosphate ore in Montana, a couple of miles underground.
Got a lot of interior work left undone here, too, but do have hopes of seeing the coin for the materials and taking the time to get much of it done this next year. (*crosses fingers*)
Mike: Well, duh, yeah! What you said!
Fred, I had a new neighbor call in a panic because they had a rattlesnake on their front porch, and what should they do. They wondered if the fire department would come get it like they do in town. I told them what I would do is push it off into the dirt and shoot it. They were horrified with this response. I offered to come over and shoot it for them, but they declined.
You and I would handle it the same way, except I'd shoot it and THEN push it off into the dirt. But that's just me.
We do have one neighboring family where the wife yells for help instead of tackling the rattler herself. Once did call the Sheriff's Dept., who did eventually send a deputy. Naturally, but the time the badge arrived, the snake had wisely departed.
However, she's a lifetime local and in no way horrified at the thought of the widdle weptile getting capped; she'd just rather not tackle the project herself. When I volunteered to give her our cell phone numbers so she could call ME to come over if her man was occupied far, far away, she accepted with delight. Or at least gratitude.
They've got a passel of kids, right down to little more than toddler size, so taking chances on a pit viper is not high on her list of virtuous life choices.
I bought a nice little automatic handgun to take care of the snake problem. I can hit things with it but not with a rifle. I don't like shotguns, they just tear everything up. They do work though.
I just wish we could get some rain -- so we could deal with a storm drain. Loved your pictures. Cute cat too! Imagine I could shoot a snake anytime anywhere with anything. Hate them!
Becky: Definitely, whatever trips your trigger--so to speak! I'm awfully fond of my late Dad's old single shot .410 for snake removal, especially the way the head disappears completely and you don't have to bury it, and I've not torn up anything with it yet that I wanted to keep.
Pam, however, must be somehow related to you in some way. She, too, is accurate with a pistol and completely out of her league with a long gun.
Truckstop Sally: We're surely relieved that we've seen a little rain, especially after the Monument Fire. Not nearly what we need overall, but it's a start.
About the (2) cats: Interestingly enough, studying the conformation and markings on both kitties, we figured out that EACH of them is part wildcat--but not the same SPECIES of wildcat. Kitten Precious (bottom pic) clearly has some bobcat in her, while Gato (of the Spanish name, curiously enough) without question carries some DNA from a tree-dwelling Mexican cat called the margay.
I quit hating snakes a long time ago, but rattlers still get my attention. Over the years, I've bopped 'em with bullets, rained rocks on 'em, sliced and diced 'em with shovels. Actually regret having to kill them nowadays, but I can live with a little regret a lot better than a load of venom.
Old Poolman Level 7 Commenter 10 months ago
Fred, ain't life on the desert an adventure? I wouldn't have it any other way, and have learned to deal with most any crisis that comes up around here. This is not a lifestyle for anyone not familiar with tools, especially picks and shovels. A sudden monsoon 2" rain can get you out of the house and put you to work in a hurry.
But I would not choose to live in town again for any reason.