How To Reduce Anxiety

Having been fortunate in learning early on how to trick my mind and thus reduce anxiety from its inception, I don't personally suffer from that terrible demon to any significant degree. However, my wife definitely does at a very deep level.

In my (admittedly ultra-mild) case, I can read a fantasy novel (Robert Jordan being my favorite author)...write and/or sing a song while whaling away on my guitar...have the computer whip me at a game of chess...write a Hub...write a Prison Pen Pal... or any of a dozen other "distractions", any one of which will help me disconnect from the anxiety stream and bring me back into balance.

Pam is a different case. She can't do any of the above for various medical reasons and has no such interest(s) in the first place. In the past, she HAS found relief through one or more of the following:

1. Prescription medication. That of course requires consultation with a licensed physician, and specific medications won't be mentioned here as (a) I don't know the reader's exact case history and (b) I'm not licensed to practice medicine.

2. Running water. Give her an hour beside a babbling brook or a rushing river and she's good to go for at least a day or two.

3. Venting and/or discussion with those she trusts. That circle happens to be limited to (a) me, (b) her son, and (c) her best friend, but any or all of those are helpful.

4. Soap operas. In essense, this is similar to my use of fantasy novels, allowing the trials, tribulations, and triumphs of imaginary people become more real (for a time, at least) than her own flying mental machinery.

5. Counseling with a psychologist. She has limited this to counseling with me (her husband) in recent years as I have education in the field of psychology and she believes I'm better than any OTHER psychologist she's met. However, she did treat regularly with a very fine licensed psych practitioner in Rapid City, South Dakota, for several years at one time.

6. Cooking. I can cook well enough, but for me it's a job to do and nothing more. For her, it's deep relaxation and a labor of love.

7. Living off grid. We reside on several acres beyond the reach of power companies and with literally no neighbors in sight. The nearest neighbor is about 1/4 mile distant and would be visible except for intervening mesquite trees and such, but the overall sense of privacy is extremely soothing to people like us who prefer to avoid as much of the rat race as possible.

8. Pets. We have 3 cats and a leopard gecko--and whoever heard of anyone bringing a lizard with them when they moved TO the desert! She considers all of the animals to be her "newborn babies". One of the cats sleeps separately from the other two but bunks in with me. The other two crash with Pam and are a great comfort to her.

9. Avoiding negative news broadcasts. We do have TV, one NBC channel we bring in through a deep fringe antenna I installed last month. However, if the news of the day is too awful, we turn it off. Reruns of the CBS Dr. Phil program are imported by this station, and we do watch some of those but turn others off or mute them depending on content. The amount of negative energy allowed to enter her consciousness is strictly rationed.

10. Terminating toxic relationships. Her eldest daughter is not good for her as she (the daughter) takes full credit for everything good in her life but (in her mid-thirties) blames Pam for everything bad. She has been cut off from all communication forever and cut out of the will as well.

11. Adequate sleep. An inveterate insomniac, Pam has finally learned to let go and let God to the extent that she is able to get a full 8 hours of sleep or more on most nights.

12. Coffee in the morning with me. Having her husband available to share a jolt of caffeine and discuss "this and that" for 45 minutes or so reduces anxiety for BOTH of us.

13. NOT handling money. This can only work if you have a totally trustworthy partner, but Pam does. She keeps a stash of cash for emergencies, a practice I highly encourage, but I handle the worries of figuring out what we can spend and how the bills are to be paid.

When it comes to anxiety and its potential to cripple the individual's ability to function, it sometimes helps to know whether the prime source (of the anxiety) is the unknown or the known. We humans don't all react the same way to the same stimulus, package or no package. For some of us, fear of the unknown is a worse bogeyman in the closet than any monster ever nurtured in the fertile mind of Stephen King. For others, the unknown is either not feared or is simply ignored while fear of the known is what whacks us between the eyes with an axe handle.

Let's take an example from the recent (and still current) economic woes faced by so many. My wife and I walked away from a two year old house in Colorado in April of 2009. Simply put, we abandoned it to eventual foreclosure even though we hadn't been late on a single payment prior to our departure from Parachute. From an anxiety evaluation standpoint, the following transitions have taken place thus far:

1. Not knowing if we'd be able to keep the house or not. Fear of the unknown.

2. Knowing we'd be losing the house. No fear; deal with it.

3. Wondering where we'd find affordable housing in Arizona. Fear of the unknown.

4. After finding a place (which I did), facing the huge difficulties of the move. Fear of the known.

5. After getting settled, finding out that the doctor we expected Pam to use--one who had treated her in 2006--would not work this time. This means we have to try to find someone else. But who? Fear of the unknown.

6. Being aware of the intense pressures that doctors are facing from our government. Medical practitioners are fearful that if they treat certain conditions professionally, they will lose their licenses to practice. We know this and thus know finding a doctor who both can and will take her on as a new patient will be...well, the odds are not good. Fear of the known.

With this in mind, the anxiety sufferer can gain a march on the ailment by figuring out which fear is predominant in his or her particular case. Why? Because the methods for dealing with the two very different fears are themselves very different. If you fear the known, you can reduce your anxiety by coming up with a sensible plan and putting it into action.

Example: You know the Arizona monsoon season is on the way and also know your home leaks like a sieve. Result: Anxiety. So you buy a gallon can of blackjack for fifteen dollars and patch the leaks, sharply reducing the anxiety.

But if you fear the unknown, you are often unable to actually do all that much about it except worry.

Example: You're scared to death you might lose your job in this depressed economy, but you have no clue as to how the company is really doing behind those smiles and reassuring speeches presented in company meetings. Nor do you know of any realistic way of finding out until the worst happens (the pink slip) if it does happen. You can't just change jobs, because nobody is hiring. So you sit and stew in your own juices, hoping for the best but fearing the worst.

In a case like this (fear of the unknown), the only realistic way to reduce anxiety is often by distracting the mind from dwelling on the problem incessantly. What works for Pam (the tips listed above) may not work for you, but the process is the same.

Unfortunately, some forms of anxiety simply refuse to be pinned down as stemming from either fear of the unknown or fear of the known. Many an adult suffers from free floating anxiety due to--just as one example--having been overly criticized and too little praised as a child. The real catch here is that the sufferer may have no conscious recall of any of that. If the trauma has been stuffed into the subconscious and told to stay out of sight like an illicit lover in an election year, digging out the cause of one's misery may be difficult, sometimes so close to impossible as makes no difference.

In such cases, all too many of us turn to the dark side for relief. Alcohol, smoking, drugs, toxic relationships, you name it.

Even then, though, answers are often found in one or more of the tips listed above. Example: The alcoholic who has finally bottomed out and finds help through Alcoholics Anonymous may be working with tips #1 (prescription medication such as antibuse), #2 (soap operas--if you doubt this, simply listen closely to the stories told by other members in AA meetings), #5 (counseling, often court ordered in DUI cases), #10 (terminating toxic relationships, since those former drinking buddies are bad news and are hanging out at the bar anyway), and #12 (coffee is ALWAYS available at AA meetings even if a spouse may not be).

Thanks for reading,

Ghost32