How To Lose Weight With The McDonald's Dollar Menu Diet

Jared had already made his mark as a How-To-Lose-Weight poster boy for Subway and it sandwich menu when the McDonald's Dollar Menu Diet came into my life. It happened in 2004, beginning in June and ending in September. During that time, I lost 33.5 pounds consisting of, as the stupidest infomercial on all of TV trumpets, 70 percent pure body fat. It would be nice to know how to get that one off the airwaves.

Win or lose, obesity had never been a problem in my life unless you count the struggle endured by my first wife after her thyroid gland went wicky-wacky. Although the paternal line in my family tends toward a rather chunky build, most of my body patterned itself after Mom's genes. Standing 5' 11" in height and having been a professional rull rider on the rodeo circuit, my riding weight used to hover right around 155 pounds of twisted steel and did not increase by much until my 45th year.

That year, in 1988, an obviously needed nutritional supplement began to supply my bloodstream with previously missing minerals. The result: A slow, steady gain to roughly 170 pounds, where things leveled off by themselves without any effort on my part. One seventy looks good on me. There's a set of love handles hanging around at that weight, but those handles (a genetic gift from Dad) don't disappear unless I drop past lean to severely scrawny.

In 2004, the mirror provided a nasty shock. Stripped down to take a shower one evening, I made the mistake off checking out my body profile in ye olde looking glass. Time to lose a few pounds and lose 'em fast. Pam heard my bellow of alarm clear from her bedroom.

"What?!" She wanted to know.

"That's 190 at least!" I shouted back, "I look like a bowling ball duct taped to a broomstick!"

Which was an accurate description. Fortunately or unfortunately, extra weight piles up in a spare tire on my body and not much of anywhere else. With all of the huge guts out there in the American population, No one else gives me a second look... but I know. I'm not much subject to peer pressure; if folks don't like the way I look, too bad for them. Trouble is, my own personal standards make up for all the other people I blithely ignore.

Thus was born the McDonald's Dollar Menu Diet. We did have a McDonald's at the other end of town, and there menu for the less than affluent wasn't bad at all. Why not? Other than a few pounds, what did I have to lose?

One caveat: Most self styled experts from Dr. Phil to Oprah to your family M.D. would consider this diet to be absolutely nuts, dangerous, crazy, and lots of other less complimentary adjectives. That's okay. I'm not preaching. Just saying, what works for one person is not necessarily going to work for the next. This one worked for me:

1. NO exercise. Not until the target weight is reached and you don't need to lose any more poundage, or at least don't need to lose it quickly. You'll see why in a moment.

2. Deliberate "starvation". That's why no exercise during the weight-losing period. Don't want to either stress the heart or feel bad about yourself because you're weak from lack of food, not to mention fainting in the middle of a power lift. It's best to just lose fat, not lose consciousness.

3. First and main meal around 11:00 a.m. This diet was used during a time when I was semiretired and therefore able to sleep in until 9:00 a.m. or so (my favorite time to sack out is about 1:00 a.m, sometimes later). Additionally, I haven't done all that well with early morning breakfast as a meal since 1966. Long story on that one, maybe later.

4. Tiny "second meal" around 3:00 p.m. Even when running in "starvation mode" I found it necessary and advisable to take down a few calories around that time.

5. Even tinier "evening snack" around 8:00 p.m. This kept the blood sugar, not to mention appetite, squared away sufficiently to make it until bedtime. Fortunately, going to bed hungry is never a problem. Hunger pangs, when they do arise, settle back down in time. Dreams on an empty stomach are a bonus, tending to be just a touch clearer than when digestion is going on extensively during sleep. Nor did I lose any sleep from going to bed hungry.

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Around eleven a.m. each day, after having driven the three or four miles to our local golden arches, I was ready to show the world how to lose weight with the McDonald's diet.

Jerry would meet me at the restaurant more mornings than not. He ate most of his meals there. We both patronized the dollar menu, and we were (and still are) good friends. True, he tends to lose my new phone number whenever I move, which used to happen way too often. We're not likely to lose contact again, though, since Pam and I are permanently settled in Arizona.

Anyway, although his presence at mealtime was nothing like the formal support systems you find on, say, The Biggest Loser, our friendship accomplished the same purpose. Not only could I look forward to my "main meal" while seated at the same cool booth with my back safely against the wall so no bad guys could sneak up on me--unless Jerry got there first, in which the wall position was his--but we both anticipated our sometimes deeply philosophical discussions eagerly.

The big meal always included senior coffee with two creamers and as many refills as I felt like drinking, which usually amounted to two or three, sometimes four. For liquid at home, I'd started with GatorAde but found I was allergic to it, sweating out toxins until my armpits itched constantly. That left only water. The coffee was Heaven on Earth.

If I'd lost half a pound the day before, two sandwiches were in order. These could be two double cheeserburgers, or two McChicken sandwiches, or one of each. If there'd been no weight loss, only one sandwich was allowed.

If I'd lost a full pound (which happened fairly often but certainly not every day), two pies were allowed as well: One apple, one cherry, or two of either kind.

And that was it. No more, no less, no substitutions, no skipping.

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The afternoon mini-meal was made up of either a small can of sauerkraut or half a coffe mug full (about 6 ounces) of frozen peas. Period.

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The evening mini-mini-meal amounted to exactly seven grapes unless at least I'd lost at least a full pound the day before, in which the grape count could go as high as fourteen.

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To say that such a regimen encourages eating slowly with plenty of chewing and savoring would be an extreme understatement. Sure, the temptation to cheat or even to bag the entire project was there, but it really never had a chance. Weight came off steadily, with the scale showing at least two pounds coming off during even the "worst" of weeks.

About three and a half months into my self-imposed weight loss program, I'd dropped from a high of 191.5 pounds to an extremely satisfying 158.0. My wife felt I should have stopped at around 160, but I did still have a small spare tire, felt great, and kind of wanted to keep on keeping on until hitting my old riding weight of 155. At that point the Universe made it clear Pam was right. My niece was killed on the highway by a hit and run truck driver. I became immediately and deeply involved in the investigation that followed. This allowed no time to lose any more weight, McDonald's Dollar Menu Diet or no McDonald's Dollar Menu Diet.

After abandoning the diet, my weight slowly drifted back up to around 175 pounds, but this time I was paying attention and held it there without much effort. Since we've been long on hard work around the homestead and short on rations for the past couple of months, the numbers have drifted downward once again, apparently willing to hang in there between 165 and 170, which is not a bad poundage figure for me at any time.

Still, it's nice to know that if I ever need it, the McDonald's Dollar Menu Diet is out there...waiting....

Thanks for reading,

Ghost32