Green Gabrielle Giffords

And you wonder why many of us in southeastern Arizona are determined to Give Giffords the Gaff, to retire her in November? True, she does actually know that Arizona shares a border with the country of Mexico...but that's about where her expertise stops. By now, most of the Internet surfing and TV watching communites have heard about her brilliant military question put to General Petraeus, essentially asking if our military is using enough green energy like solar and wind power to significantly reduce our energy costs. Some of you may have even taken the time to hear the General's careful response. He's not about to get himself canned for telling an important civilian where the bear keeps its Charmin in the woods.

If Sarah Palin came up with anything even half that stupid, the left would make an entire movie about it.

Green. What about "green"? My first real encounter with that word in this life took place when I was in the fourth grade, just ten years old. Our teacher had us make turtles. from paper-mache...then paint them. She asked me what color I was going to paint mine. My response:

"Green!"

Trouble was, even at that age, I could at times put an awful lot of meaning into a single word. This was unfortunately one of those times. The meaning:

"I'm going to paint it green because that's the color turtles are, you stupid cow!"

She must have majored in smart-alecky kidspeak in college. She got it. And I got a bunch of minutes in solitary confinement in the broom closet. No problem for me; claustrophobia is not one of my weaknesses. For me, it just meant I'd acquired some great bragging rights, sort of an early version of Bart Simpson.

Decades later, it occurs to me to wonder: How many uses of the word "green" might actually apply to our left-leaning, Obamacare-supporting, clueless Representative Giffords? Hmm....

1. Green energy supporter. We've covered that one, though not exactly with glory.

2. Green around the gills. She does have to be feeling pretty sick, hearing about all that laughter at her expense with an election coming up. Sick, sick, sick!

3. Greenhorn. This woman has been around Congress for a few terms, but in terms of the Old West, she'd be a tenderfoot at best. You don't have to be a rookie to earn that one; the eternally clueless individual can remain a greenhorn for a lo-ong time.

4. Greenspan. Don't even get me started on the former Chairman of the Federal Reserve. If you do, it'll be my turn to get all green around the gills.

5. Long green. Nothing wrong with cash...though with OzBama and his Zombies at the helm, the shaky dollar really is making gold look like a reasonable investment. Not to mention that the feds are changing the way our Benjamins look so frequently that flashing a few forty year old bills will get you arrested for counterfeiting. How's that for controlling the people? They saved their cash for how long? Bust 'em!!

6. Green. Just plain green. That's one of the things the younger folks are calling marijuana these days. "Got any green?" They ask their buds. Buds. Just plain buds. That's what.... Never mind.

After you lose in November, Gaby, you might want to think about pulling up stakes, move on out west to California. They're working on making recreational green legal there, you know.

Gaby, there are other colors than Simply Green in these United States. Down here along the border--you know, that border you suddenly want to secure and defend, now that a ferocious election is looming--down here, there are bunches of us. We the People types, a local Tea Party that popped into existence just a few weeks ago, four qualifed men all arm wrestling to see which one gets to face you at the ballot box in November, even a fair number of unaffiliated yet determined loners. In other words, all of us crazy wingnuts out here on the right.

It's not that we have anything against the color green. It's just that we have this thing going, this reverence for the Red, White, and Blue. Yes, yes, the colors that your dictatorial President insults by folding his hands over his crotch whenever the national anthem is playing. Those colors.

One final thought, Ms. Giffords. You're probably one of those folks who'd gripe if they were hung with a green rope.

Politically, we're about to find out.