Code Names for President Obama from Around the World

When word was passed that the Secret Service code name for newly elected President Barack Hussein Obama was Renegade, we knew full well the claims of "random computer generation" were bogus. Hey, the man had to have picked that name out of the hat himself. Why wouldn't the self-styled Boss of the World want to be called a cool code name like Renegade? Huh? Huh?

Now it turns out Great Britain has a code name for the American President, too: Chalaque, a punjabi word translating roughly as smart-alec. Which indicates rather clearly that (a) the Smirker In Chief is not the boss of Merrie Olde England, (b) the British claims of selecting code names using random computer generation are just as phony as ours, and (c) perhaps other countries aren't quite as blinded by Obama's oratorial offensive as his Zombies in this country continue to be.

So...what other code names for this left-handed basketball player might be lurking out there in, you know, various places around the globe? This enterprising reporter decided to find out. I have my sources, even if those sources are mostly rooted in the fertile imagination of one guy with a keyboard from Wal-Mart and a rented modem from Hughes.

Author's note: It was amazing to discover just how many countries chose Yiddish code words for the Vacationer in Chief. Some have posited that this is clear evidence proving Jews really do rule the world. My half-Jewish wife assures me that's not it at all. They simply have a way with words.

1. Israel: Schmuck.

Whether taken from Yiddish or from U.S.slang, this code word for the President is definitely not flattering. Since we know every Israeli is heart-deep in love with the gentleman in the Oval Office, especially since his brilliant and sensible call for Israel to return to its totally defensible pre-1967 borders, it has to be a mistake. A typo, perhaps.

2. Ireland: Langers.

Irish slang for drunk. This may be soon changed, since Obama showed no outward sign of being langers after his recent visit to an Irish pub where he chugged a beer in four gulps (what, he couldn't tip it down in one?) without staggering. We've fired off an email to Ireland urging them to keep the name as is, though, assuring the Sons of Eire that our Bully in Chief is most definitely drunk, all right...on power.

3. Libya: Mamzer.

Again from Yiddish, reputed to be one of only ten dreck-inspired words in that language known by Colonel Ghadaffi. This code name, meaning bastard, was personally assigned by the Libyan strong man himself.

There are rumors that Osama bin Laden also used that code name for Obama, though some intel types believe that for al-Qaeda it was actually an acronym, OTP (One Trick Pony), that identified the man in the White House. Unfortunately for the terrorist mastermind, of course, it was bin Laden himself who ultimately wound up on the business end of that one trick.

4. Russia: Schnook.

Yiddish for an easily imposed-upon or cheated person, a pitifully meek person, a particularly gullible person, a cute or mischievous person or child. This one was hand picked by Vladimir Putin for Barack Obama after the latter was suckered into signing the New START arms reduction treaty.

We're still working to verify Kenya's code name for the Chicago Campaigner. It appears to be a Swahili word meaning native son, but verification is on hold until a Swahili spell-check program can be located at Wal-Mart.

Remember in November 2012.