Al Gore On Manmade Global Warming : The Making Of A Godfather

Young Al Gore created the Internet when he was only three--wait, that was Davy Crockett in the song from the 1950s, wasn't it? And it was a b'ar, not the Internet.

Ah, well. The future Godfather of Global Warming was a remarkable young fellow, no matter how you cut it. Whether he created a b'ar or killed the Internet or wooden-faced the Vice Presidency before losing the Presidency to a hanging chad in Florida, one thing is truly crystal clear: He's been doing his utmost to give us all a Global Goring for some time now.

Was he bothered when the supposedly solid science he used to launch An Inconvenient Spoof on the entire planet (the infamous hockey stick graph) turned out to be fraudulent? Nah. Not the Gore-man. No way. He just kept on insisting he had it right and the rest of us bloomin' idjits were bloomin' idjits, doncha know.

Except that he used woodier words to say it.

Now that most of North America is buried under a truly nasty winter storm (Feb. 2, 2011, Groundhog Day), he's added to his Gore-Text by claiming scientists point to manmade global warming as the reason for the blizzard!

No winter precipitation, retreating glaciers? Manmade global warming!

Too much snow and ice, freezing your buns off? Manmade global warming!

Al knows the truth! He Googled it on the Gore-net!

Must be nice to have it both ways...but...does he believe the balderdash he's spouting?

I think he does. Here's why.

 This photo is our baseline.  Quite the handsome lady killer here, it's clear, m' dear.  Now, let's give this photo the old Jared Loughner test by seeing what he'd look like if his face were composed of either two right sides or two left sides.  Is his left, incoming side more or less in balance with his right, outgoing side? 

They might actually be, you know; if there's one thing about this wild and crazy dude, it's consistency.  Come at him from any angle, you get the same answer.    Most of us aren't actually like that; our two sides are considerably different.  Have you ever heard of a Hollywood actor or actress who didn't make every effort to have the camera catch his/her "good side"?  There's a reason for that..

Okay, so the photo immediately above is composed of two Younger Al Gore left sides; the next one up is cobbled together from two Younger Al Gore right sides. There is a noticeable difference in width. What seems most striking, though, is the lack of difference between the two eyes. They're really close to being identical in expression. Besides that, spookily enough, is the deadness to them.

I've seen that look before--in potential prison pen pals I avoided like the plague.

I would not want this man at my back. Under any circumstances.

[ Note: Is it my imagination, or does that left-left side picture look a bit like a young Bill Clinton? ]

With something like that as a baseline, one might expect this person to eventually develop into a perfect replica of a Mafia don as depicted in the movies. But... did he in fact continue to intensify that life-is-cheap look as he got older? You know, the look that would be perfect if you were casting the part of Manmade Global Warming Godfather?

It turns out that he did indeed.

Br-r-r-r! Can't you just see this Older Al Gore, Godfather of Global Warming, putting a hit out on anyone who dared to watch Fox News? Can't you just hear him saying, "I'm gonna make you an offer on green solar panels you can't refuse?" Or maybe, "I said, clean energy or else! Oil? Fuhgeddaboudit!"

So...the overall face definitely fulfilled the promise of a man who never doubts himself, never doubts that anyone who dares to question him deserves to be destroyed. Okay...how about the Loughner treatment?

Sure thing, boss. Coming right up.

 Whoa.  This guy is fierce!  How'd you like to be dating his daughter when he discovered you'd brought her  home with her panties in her pocket?

No wonder he defends the idea of manmade global warming with every fiber of his being.  It has become his family, his clan, his tribe.  He, Godfather, must protect.  Bop!  Bash! 

Or maybe not.  Maybe he just heard that the Nobel Prize Committee called.  With An Inconvenient Truth now established as nothing more than An Inconvenient Spoof, they've decided they want their Prize back.

The Committee members should be careful.  The guy in these photos looks more likely to send them a few severed horse heads.